LOVING 2: Is It Possible?

LOVING 2: Is It Possible? by Tijjani Muhammad Musa

L.O.V.E. This four letter word seems to be one of the most unexplainable and mysterious phenomenon in the life of mankind. It is so simple that a kindergarten child can say it, yet so complicated that even the wisest of philosophers cannot truly define it. One often wonders what love is. Is it a feeling or an emotion? May be it is an experience or just an illusion? What really is love?

Everyone that is asked this simple yet unique question seems to be taken off balance at first. In fact, many are lost for words i.e. for those who even consider themselves smart enough to attempt answering it. If not, most people, both male and female just look a little bit embarrassed, due to the fact that though some of them have experienced the thing called love at one time or the other in their lives and have often used the word at every given opportunity, they do not really understand it and surely cannot put words together to describe or even explain it.

Love belongs to the other divide of the two things that basically constitute our earthly existence. That is, it belongs to the realm of the unseen, the abstract. What this means is that, just like joy and pains, happy and sad, good and evil etc, love also cannot be seen or touched. It has no shape, size, colour, smell, weight and so on. Yet nobody can deny the existence of these listed phenomena, because though we cannot tell what the colour of love is, what the taste of defeat is, what the size of envy or the shape of laughter are, yet we are fully aware of their existence. Even God Himself, all praises are due to HIM has chosen this hidden realm to relate to man. The other side of the coin of course is what we can see, touch, feel, taste and smell, our physical and material world, which essentially captures our immediate conviction.

Love is indeed one of the ultimate of expression when it comes to feelings. It is so unique that declaring it publicly could make or mar a relationship for life. For some, love has a lifespan lasting only a few seconds. While for others, it can transcend their very existence. Love is a very strange thing that might mean nothing to the wise, but surely means everything to the foolish. Wise or foolish though, how sorry a state lives a heart that has never experienced love, as says the disciplines of the slogan “Better to love and lost than never to have loved at all” There are those that would give anything to experience it just once. While others who have been fortunate to taste it once, would not mind giving up the world and all its content, in order to share it a second, a third or even a more times.

For some lucky few, love is real, a regular re-occurrence encountered with everyone or everything they come across. They are simply created to love all and everything. In fact some rare souls know not how to express any other form of emotion except love - “... but I cast (the garment) love over thee from Me} (Q20:39). And for others, it is a thing that does not exist at all. It is simply a lie, an excuse used by some people when they want to play being mad. For these unfortunate souls, life is devoid of this sweet sensation called love.

Love has various rhythms and frequencies. It can be spontaneous as in the love at first sight phenomenon or it could simply grow gradually over time. How about the famous saying “There is a thin line between love and hate”, meaning it can be so present as to possess a soul absolutely and yet it can dissolve into thin air in a flash, to be replaced by total disgust and hatred. Almost everybody must have heard about the slightly confusing saying “To love is to let go”, where someone is requested to willingly allow a loved one to move on. Yes, move on to another level or place though it will break his or her heart. But because they truly love the person, they willfully let him or her go to another place where it would not be physically possible to continue the love affair, thus the person can achieve the necessary advancement in their life. They sacrifice love for love.

It is also generally agreed that human heart do fall in love, which grows in momentum until it finally reaches its apex. Then it starts to burn out slowly or rapidly until only cold ashes are left, to be blown off in scattered particles of love by the wind of time. Or it can level out and maintained an altitude for life. Sometimes it can dip into valley and out on to hills of the heart, emerging stronger or too weak to be sustained, collapsing and shattering into what is generally referred to as a broken heart. And for those who are curious to know, the dwelling place of love is in the heart. “…So fill the heart of some among men with love toward them.”  (Q14:37)

This exciting thing called love can be expressed towards a human {….Truly hath he inspired her with violent love; we see he evidently going astray} Q12:30, an animal, a place, material thing, a physical exercise, a belief and so on. {Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: women and sons; heaped-up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land.} Q3:14. It thus can be expressed by people, in various ways, at different places and times, in different quality and quantity. It can be extreme as to make someone give it the ultimate prize i.e. to be martyred or to commit suicide, as in the famous play of Romeo and Juliet. Or it can be so shallow that the falsehood in a declaration is exposed the moment it is uttered or a trial for proving that love is faced. And like everything in life, loves also has a beginning and an end.

As for its ending, it could be a happy one on rare occasions or a sad one, and this is what is obtained in most cases…aaarghh! That, is always painfully tragic. Now, that’s another interesting thing about love. It almost always ends up in pain. Love, simply, hurts. Love, if it is brief, ending it causes so much pain to one or both parties. And if it does last for some time, calling it quits could result in a broken heart saga, another sad and agonizing experience. And if it last for a life time, when death takes away a loved one, pain shows up and celebrate yet another sad ending to this exotic, charming feeling called love. Despite all these shades of pains, love is still very much sought after by human souls of all ages. Maybe, because the heart is not so smart or is never totally complete, or at peace when it is devoid of love.

Some people confuse this beautiful feeling with its lesser “sisters” the platonic or affectionati LIKE, the passionate intoxicanti LUST or even their reckless disastrous relative called INFATUATION. Love surpasses them all in value and rareness like diamond surpasses all other precious stones. To “like” someone or something is to pick one particular thing about the person or thing and attach a fondly affinity to it. For example a book might be liked because of its cover, a school for its academic excellence, a woman for her beauty, a man for his kindness etc. But the moment the object of that likeness wears off, gets damages or becomes missing, it is observed that of a sudden one subconsciously stops the flow of likeness towards the person or thing. The result is automatic disinterest.

To “lust” after someone or something is simply to passionately desire to have a feel, a taste of whatever is the object of that emotion in order to gain satisfaction out of the experience, albeit temporarily. This in many cases could be sexual, or for power or something else. And once that strong craving is satisfied, the object of the lust ceases to have relevance or significance and is often seen to be discarded thereafter. It is mostly associated with intimacy, desiring to be closely associated, seeking to satisfy an immediate urge, often sexual.

To be “infatuated” on the other hand means a temporary, but intense fondness or desire to want to be with someone or something. Usually the one expressing it is naive and foolish, where as the target of the infatuation is simply playing with their minds, feeling absolutely nothing in return, yet taking full advantage of the situation {“Ah! Ye are those who love them, but they love you not” Q3:119}. Most often infatuation is not sexual, though the one infatuated with the other will be willing to do whatever the so-called ‘apple of the eye’ demands of him or her, including sex.

But true love is entirely different from all these, for it is a combination of all the above and much, much more. Love blinds. Utterly. Aha! That brings us to another famous adage which many find to be true, that is Love is Blind. This is because when someone is in love, they are totally blind and deaf to the faults of their loved ones, no matter how obvious such ills and imperfections might seem to be. However, there are those who say, it is not love that is actually blind, but those who fall in it. This may be true. And about the big goof, is this other equally popular saying that “God is Love”. This I find completely unacceptable. Why? Well, you see if God Is Love and Love is Blind, it then adds up by simple mathematics that God is love is blind, or God is Blind, which of course is not true at all. God cannot, can NEVER be blind!

In fact nothing is more further from the truth than this. For God has never been, is not and will never be blind. “The blind and the seeing are not alike” Q35:19. “Not equal are the blind and those who (clearly) see;” Q40:58. “…yet again many of them became blind and deaf. But Allah Sees well all that they do.” Q5:71, “Say: ‘Enough is Allah for a Witness between me and you; for He is well-acquainted with His servants and He Sees (All things)”’ Q17:69. But if it is said that love originates from God and so He AWJ is the very Best of those who show love, then it is acceptable.

So if love is so special and unique, is it possible to feel it for two souls at once? There is a school of thought that thinks, in fact even believed that love is so amazing, so uncommon, so precious, so absolute a thing that it cannot be felt towards two different souls at one and the same time. Another school of thought tends to disagree with this hypothesis or is it a theory? Each of the two schools has its reasons for holding firm to what they believed. So where do you belong, in the former or the latter?

As for me, I do sincerely believe that a person is capable of experiencing multiple loves. Even though it might not be to the same quality and quantity, but it is still L.O.V.E all the same. For it cannot be described in any other way. I have my reasons for choosing this ticket, which I intend to present. A person male or female with a sound mind, body and soul, living a good successful life in the midst of family, relatives, friends, colleagues, neighborhood etc usually finds so many reasons and as many blessings to celebrate about their lives.

If we are to take one example; family and its associated attachments. If we subject it to scrutiny, it is possible to convince some of the skeptics of the possibility of multiple loving {It is he who created you from a single person and made his mate of like nature in order that he might dwell with her (in love). When they are united, she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy they both pray to Allah their Lord (saying): “If Thou givest us a goodly child, we vow we shall (ever) be grateful} Q7:189

A wife with a darling husband and 2 adorable children living in a beautiful home, in a friendly and conducive neighborhood is a typical example of someone who is capable of loving 2, 3 or even more persons or things all at once. She could be so much in love with her husband that the years they have spent together amounts to nothing towards eroding her feeling for him. Like every true loving soul, her every breath punctuates her existence with the nice sensation of love and being loved. So for her, living each day is a celebration. She hates to see her husband wearing a frown, sad or worried for whatever reason. She has to make all effort to cheer and brighten him up or she could also end up with a depressed mood. She hates anything and anyone who could be a source of annoyance or anxiety to him. The feeling between them is best described as a contagious. {He created for you mate from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquility with them and he puts love and mercy between your (hearts). Q30:21}. Simply put, she loves her husband so dearly.

This same woman could also find it in her heart a place to accommodate another love that is equally qualitative and as strong as the one she feels for her husband, but completely different. She is capable of loving her 2 children, so much so that if she was to be asked who among them she might choose to let go if for example death should come knocking with an option. She would refuse to accept that offer with all her motherly might. {They said “Truly Joseph and his brother are loved more by our father than we”} Q12:8. If one of the children should need a life saving transplant and her organs could fit, even if not so perfectly, she would gladly offer herself. That undoubtedly is love at its very peak between two souls.

Once again, ask her if she has brothers and sisters. If she answers to the affirmative, ask her further who does she love the most among them? She probably would pick one of them instantly, assuming they are not in her presence. Then ask her if her choice among them was to be framed and put in prison, how would she feel? Most likely she would not even want to entertain the mere thought of it or would prefer to trade places out of the sincerity of the love she has for him or her. {…It is righteousness to believe in Allaah and the Last Day and the angels and the Books and the Messengers; to spend of your sustenance out of love for Him, for your kin...} Q2:177

If assuming an earthquake, a fire outbreak, a flood or something should strike the city she lives in, causing devastating damage to her neighborhood, destroying her home and her most intimate and most memorable items, so much so she is forced to move to a relative’s backyard in another part of town unaffected by the disaster, or to another state or completely out of the country, missing constantly her loved and lost home, what would be her reaction? It is possible, that from the calamity’s devastation she might even end up becoming a psychiatric case. Not for any other reason but for the fact that her most cherished and valuable possessions are lost forever. {Nay (ye men!), but ye love the fleeting life} Q75:20

She could also be so comfortably in love with her job, her friends, colleagues and work environment that if she should be given a promotion, a pay rise or a better office in a new branch of their company, but out of that particular city, she might reject the offer and let someone else go in her place or might even resign the appointment altogether rather than for her to lose her most adorable loved ones and environment. Though this might be true for some, it is definitely not for most career persons, who would surely not think twice about seizing such golden opportunity to grow bigger and better, rather than succumb to the sentimental, temporary but intense fondness or desire to want to be with individuals for the sake of love. For love, we can do crazy things, even if we would regret such actions and behaviors afterward. {…and He joined your hearts in love so that by His Grace ye became brethren} Q3:103

And so we finally arrive at the very important question that; how is it possible for her to love multiply like this, all at once? How could she love her husband, her children, her parents, her sisters and brothers, her friends, her home and the items contained therein, her lifestyle, her career, her neighborhood, state, country and so on all at the same time? The answer is simple. We are designed and created by our Lord and Maker Allaah Azza wa Jallah to be capable of multiple loving. Furthermore, Allaah Subhanahu wa Ta’alah Challenges our iman (faith), demanding that we share that which we cherish and hold dearest to our hearts or else our faith is not real. {By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love; and whatever ye give of a truth, Allaah Knoweth it well} Q3:92

Our human heart might be the size of a fist, but its capacity to love is limitless! It can love one, two, three or even more people and things by creating a new page or new chapter or a whole book of love for each of these categories of our loveables. Thank God Al-Mighty for His Mercy, Alhamdulillahi for that!

Tijjani Muhammad Musa
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