....by Tijjani Muhammad Musa
It is said by the wise that "It is better to love and lose than never to have loved at all." Though some people would rather not love at all, because love hurts, most times if not always. Once in a while you hear a lamentation song, "Where do broken hearts go?" Well, in answer I say, they move on to find another love, possibly better or they enter the "Hate-love lane" and poison their hearts slowly to death.
Many would think only a stupid heart allows a rare gem to go, but i think it not true. Personally, the heart ain't stupid, it is just being smart and realistic. Have you ever heard of the Hausa phrase "Yaro baya daukan yaro? Sai dai babba ya dauki yaro"? (A child can not carry a child, only a responsible grown up can do that) May be, just may be, the heart realizes that it is not the right time for it to carry such an emotional, sensitive and heavy-duty responsibility, so rather than stupidly do it and fail the pearl, it decided to let it go.
Remember, it is also said "To love is to let go" meaning if you really do care for someone or for something and the best place for that someone or something is not with you at that particular moment in time, but with someone or somewhere else, then it is a demonstration of sound love to let that someone or something "go" to that which is better for it and still celebrate the fact that you did let go. I have a strong conviction that is what someone should do when the situation warrants.
I had this experience once. She was an angel and I will call a Z. And "it stands for a) Zulaikha b) Zahra'u c) Zubaidha d) Zamzam. Circle the best answer" *smiles*. Now we met when I was finding my direction.
I met Z through my sister. But what we had was strictly our secret, though we were seen talking on occasions to each other, nobody took it as anything or quite so serious. We were too young to be considered as talking at that frequency... Marriage. But we were sincerely into each other and cherished that fact, while to others it was just candy attraction. But man, was she beautiful! Subhanallah!
One of the most beautiful women I have met. Way beyond my level then Allaah Knows. She liked me, no loved me, yes! As small in capacity as I was, she'd listen to me, look deep into my eyes and smile at me, my yarns, my smiles. She was willing to elope with me, knowing how impossible it would be for me to meet up to the requirements of making her my wife legally.
So, I had to stand up to the occasion by imprisoning my selfishness. I called her one day and talked to her intimately. She listened to me with rapt attention, understood exactly what I was saying and lowering her head at the last moment before she was called to be taken home at a "biki". What I said to her? Much as I love her, want to marry her, make her the mother of my children and believe she does feel the same way too, it's not gonna be possible then. I was just out of secondary school and she was still in school. For a princess like her, she deserves the best of men and the best of care.
Now I might be the best of hearts she'll find, but right then I am not the best place she deserves. She shook her head, but I said it is true. I have to get properly educated, become a doctor or an architect or something like that, build her a beautiful house befitting a beautiful wife like her and be able to give her and the kids all we would desire for them. That would take at least 7-8 years or even more. Would her parents let her wait that long even if she wanted to? No!... She sadly came to terms with what I said and luckily that was when she was called to go.
Reluctantly, without looking into my eyes she turned and walked away. I could only look on to her back as the distance between was increased. About ten steps away she turned and took one last look at me and got swallowed by her friends and family members. That was it. She was gone. I HAVE NO REGRETS TOO! 2 years later, she was married off to another person.
Years later, after she has had 3 children, my sister went to visit her at her home, and suddenly she popped head out of her kitchen door and asked "Wai in tambayeki mana, don Allaah ki gaya min gaskiya. Ina Tijjani kuwa?" Shocked and surprised my sister looked at her and realised who she was enquiring about. She asked her which Tijjani? "Teejay nawa na sani tsakanina da ke?" she said waiting, and seeing her impatience my sister quickly answered "Yana Zaria yan Masters dinsa a Architecture". She said she saw her smile and nodding her head she went back into the kitchen.
And when she came back out with drinks, curious to know why the question, she asked Z what prompted the sudden question, but she refused to say another word about it. Only once in a while she'll see her lost in thoughts and smile to herself. My sister came back and told me what happened and insisted I must tell her what transpired between her and me to warrant such a reaction from Z years on. Of course I did not explain it. So there you go.
Till this day, I never saw her or talk to her again and I don't want to. I prefer her memory in my heart just the way it was when we parted. Young, fresh, stainless love immortalized!
Tijjani Muhammad Musa
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